To you,

You came into my life at the time when I least expected. When I was at my lowest, at the bottom of my life. I just a lost a sister & a brother in law that I love dearly. I just lost the love that I held on for 7 freaking years. Most importantly, you came when I was on the edge of losing myself.

With you, 

I learned that love means letting go. Love means accepting that sometimes it's beyond your power and control to make everything works. Love means to sacrifice even when you have almost nothing to offer. Love means accepting what God has planned for you.

I know we spent our first year together with hardships and struggles. With blood, sweat and tears. We never went to any road trip, we never went for vacation, we stayed together in our apartment, eating whatever we can, taking care of each other - you taking care of me most of the time. Despite a fact that I am one's that is hard to control and take care of.

I know you put up a lot with my shits that you have to swallow everything you felt because of the thought that you might hurt me with your words. But, I know for sure that I have hurt you in a way I never thought I would, I might have destroy you.

You have such pure soul, you never loved before, I am your first one but I have destroy all the hopes you have for love, and for that I am eternally sorry. 

I thank God everyday for your existence, I thank God for this baby, but maybe I am just too hard to be loved and I don't deserve any of it.

Ladang pahala terbesar seorang perempuan adalah melalui perkahwinan. Diuji dengan kesabaran.

Kesabaran dalam menjadi seorang isteri. 

Kesabaran dalam menjadi seorang menantu. 

Kesabaran dalam menjadi seorang ibu. 

Setahun perkahwinan, aku mula wonder seberapa banyak sabar yang aku perlu. Sebesar dunia ke? Seluas lautan ke? Sebanyak mana yang perlu? Sebanyak mana yang cukup? 

Missing home.

I really really miss home.

Home where I have someone to talk to.

Home where I can come back and hug anyone in it.

Home where you feel belong.